Shitting flip, have you seen the date? The lockdown/quarantining/shield-fest is kinda ending. For some. I mean, estate agents are loveable, honest people aren’t they? Why shouldn’t they be allowed to go first?
What’s that? The banks own all the properties/mortgages anyway? Don’t be so cynical. We NEED to buy and sell houses. The main reason for the virus was to get us all to do them up ready to sell anyway. That’s why all those queues at B&Q happened. I bought 900 loo rolls just to use to clean the dust off properly, didn’t you? You don’t really shit 21 times an hour do you?
Anyway, I’ve bought me a green and yellow face mask off of Etsy with ‘I’m alert’ embroidered on it so I’m primed to get back out there. But before I go, I figured I better up my game. It’s not just about those pictures anymore. I need to know film too. Plus, I need to have a hustle going so I’ve got me some sonics and egg boxes and the podcast is about ready to roll. Gotta be relevant.
Next up, my presets. That’s all you need after all. Got some for all occasions. You should see the results I’ve been getting with my bakery presets for you sourdough mothers out there. Bang these over your starter and you’ll have Nigella coming to you for tips. I’ve also got some Zoom starter packs, some Lego stickers and even a pack of fonts to make your Instastories rock more than a banjo playing inbred on a porch. Man, you’ll be influencing for days.
Merch, giveaways, prizes
Finally, I’m teaming up with my gang straight out of Guangzhou to provide you awesome people with threads of merch. All for a great cause. A small percentage will be going to the NHS and anyone that buys them between 8:00pm – 8:02pm on a Thursday it will be a 100% donation! How cool!
But I haven’t got all day to be telling you how amazing I’m going to continue to be. I need to go light me a Gurkha Royal Courtesan cigar, put on my Spotify playlist (subscribe to that guys) and kick back in my carbon Prada loafers while sipping a Diplomático Ambassador chilling in my crib. Until then, stay safe, subscribe to my life and wish you were me.
* I tried to watch a YouTubers feed and managed 27 seconds. Am I doing this right?